What this week’s dreams have taught me:
- If your best friend becomes addicted to snorting crushed butterfly wings, go ahead and kidnap her—there is hope for rehabilitation.
- I’m really good at finding lattes hidden in a grocery store.
- Never look a doll in the eye.
- When mermaids are pregnant, their scales grow overtheir belly.
- Bed, Bed & Beyond has a shitty bedding selection.
- You’ll do anything for the ones you love.
What this week’s dreams taught me:
- Red lipstick can be worn as eyeliner.
- If you’re a child having an outdoor slumber party, don’t wake the neighbors. They will come when you’re sleeping and nail your hands to the lawn.
- Sometimes eagles like to do it with monkeys.
- Don’t put on a flesh-colored t-shirt and hug a stranger. Their cohort will pop out and take a photo. They will peddle “erotic” pictures of you to tourists on the sidewalk.
- You can disguise an outline of your hand flipping the bird as a unicorn head.
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What this week’s dreams taught me:
- Don’t do heroin.
- Feral cats are just as likely to attack you as bears.
- Prom can happen at any moment.
- Alligators have feelings too.
- If you think someone’s about to grab your ankle under the bathroom stall, don’t freak—they’re just tying their shoe. Maybe.
- Bigfoot is a pervert.
Adam Elsheimer
(Source: mythologyofblue, via wearetheriverflow)
I’m not sure why, but I really, really love this.
What this week’s dreams taught me:
- Death is real, but terribly misunderstood.
- A sledgehammer to the head doesn’t always do the trick.
What last week’s dreams taught me:
- If people are trying to break in to your house, don’t let your grandma guard the door. She has Alzheimer’s and will let “the nice young man” in.
- Real friends don’t sew hair extensions into your scalp with a needle and thread.
- Kate Moss used to own doberman pinschers and work for an escort service.
- You can love a man, but still sabotage his father’s printer.
- Leave your arm bones in.
Q: What are those little slivers the moon keeps leaving in the sea?
A: They’re the teeth of everyone you’ve ever loved, in the past or in the future, smiling at you all at once, over and over again.
“I’m just feeling the seven-layer dip of rejection.”