ANTM ALL-STARS EPISODE RECAP
Episode : “Catfight off the Catwalk”
Despite Brandi’s temper tantrums and The Grill’s unrestrained vocal cords, producers must have thought things were getting a little dull, because this week’s episode was all about getting the models to display their aggression.
The Challenge
The first act of hostility was in the form of this week’s challenge: a game of flag football. (Though, they tried to justify this completely absurd “challenge” by reiterating that it was “for charity”.) But wait, not only do they have to run in the sand in their underwear, the All-Stars also have to pose—with a football. Oh, and be groped by some NFL stars. These multiple physical requirements proved difficult for some, as evidenced with Brandi’s complaint: “We’re already playing flag football, now we have to pose?” Some highlights from the challenge:
- “I have to win. Especially because I’m a lesbian, and we have to win all sports”—Kayla
- The continual blurring-out of the models’ butts in their regulation high-cut “flag football briefs”. How much cheek is too much cheek, CW?
- Kayla won the challenge, (she warned y’all) received some jewelry, and somehow managed to bring high fashion and flag football together in her photo.
The Photo Shoot
BITCH FIGHT! BITCH FIGHT! Continuing the theme of aggression, the ladies found out that their photo shoot this week was going to be staging a “bar brawl”. But, the special twist was that they were going to be fighting with none other than real-life model and part-time skeleton, Coco Rocha. Some highlights from the shoot:
- Allison (Disney Princess Porn Star) really sucks as pretending.
- “Call the cops!”—Bre during her shoot, hoping her stab at authenticity would translate into a good photo.
- Coco Rocha’s obvious disdain for Bre and Trout Mouths’ modeling tactics, which were to scream incessantly.
The Judgment
The evening’s judging, or what I may now call “Tyra’s Weekly Suspender Parade”, was not as successful or pleasing to the eye as last week. First off, well, there were Lisa’s fucking sunglasses, and then there were the photos…some highlights:
- Trout Mouth (in a photo which reveals her biggest, troutiest mouth yet) was told she looked like a reality TV star. No one could disagree.
- “The way your mouth is open, it looks like you might not have teeth.”—Nigel to Trout Mouth. Do fish have teeth?
- Lion Drag Face and The Grill actually mustered up a pretty decent photo. (Though, it did reveal The Grill nonchalantly tugging at Coco’s trouser crotch.)
After deliberation, contestant were handed their photos until only two All-Stars remained: Bre and Trout Mouth. One frightens super models, the other, is a trout. Who will be sent home? I’m sorry, Bre, but you are not still in the running towards becoming America’s Next Top Cycle 17 All-Star Winner Model-Type Person.
Episode Recaps:
Cry tracker:
Cry #1—Isis Sr. during photo shoot
Worst Judging Panel Outfit:
Lisa, with her fusion of Frederick’s of Hollywood meets Forever21 meets 8th grade bully.
Best Tyra Quotes:
“Are we ready to get this bitch fight going?”
